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One question that often comes up when setting goals is whether or not we should share them with others or if we should keep them to ourselves.

There are many circumstances where sharing your goals with others or even the whole world might be a good idea, such as for example to help you stay accountable to the goal. However, in most cases I have found that setting goals is very often best if kept to yourself.

This is a list of ten reasons I’ve seen in my life of what happens when you set ambitious goals that excite you and make you feel alive and then in your excitement you run around and tell everyone around you what you plan to do.

(1) Attack of the Negatrons. Negatrons are the people you see out there that are always negative about everything. There is nothing more satisfying to a Negative person than ripping apart someone else’s goals. They typically suffer from extreme low self-esteem, but in most cases they act arrogant and pretend to be highly self-confident. This is simply a coping mechanism to help them feel better about themselves. They don’t really want to be so negative all the time, it’s just that this happens to be the only way for them to “elevate” themselves temporarily and get out of their state of depression.

If you happen to be unfortunate enough to share your goals with a Negatron, be prepared to have them ripped apart. Here’s how a typical conversation may play out with a Negatron.

You: “I just launched my own Blog.”
Negatron: “Oh yeah. What for?”
You: “I don’t know. It’s something fun to do. Plus, maybe I can eventually make some money with it.”
Negatron: “Yeah right!”
You: “What? There are people out there who make money with their Blogs.”
Negatron: “Yeah, one in a million… what makes you think you’re good enough?”
You: “Why not? I’ve been doing research, reading other Blogs and I think I can do it. I already registered my own domain name, and I’ve written several articles.”
Negatron: “And how much money have you made so far?”
You: “Well, nothing yet, I just launched it a few days ago.”
Negatron: “Dude, don’t you know all those things are scams? You’ll see.”

Don’t be surprised to find that two days after a Negatron talks you out of something, he himself tries it himself. If he succeeds, he’ll call you a loser for quitting.

Unless you’ve already decided not to pursue a goal you’ve set, never share your goals with a Negatron. If you’ve decided to remove a goal from your goal list, feel free to share it with Negatrons and allow them to talk you out of the goal. This will remove any potential remorse on your side for quitting on a goal, and it will simultaneously make the Negatron feel better.

(2) Attack of the Realists. Realists are actually Negatrons hiding inside a “Realist” costume. They are actually even more deadly to your goals than Negatrons, because they have an amazing ability to hypnotize you with their seemingly coherent logic and make you second guess every goal you’ve ever set for yourself.

The typical goal of a “Realist” is not to just talk you out of pursuing a goal, but rather to PROVE to you that you’re an idiot for even thinking that you could have ever achieve such a goal. Here’s how the same conversation above might play out with a realist.

You: “I just launched my own Blog.”
Realist: “Oh yeah? Why?”
You: “I don’t know, it’s something fun to do. Plus, maybe one day I can eventually make some money from it.”
Realist: “I see. I guess you haven’t really been following the latest trends on Technorati then.”
You: “What do you mean?”
Realist: “Oh, well, there have been numerous reports on Technorati that Blogging for money is totally dead. Statistically speaking, you have less than a 0.001% chance of ever making more than a dollar. Realistically, your best bet is to stay out of the market completely. If you registered a domain or paid for anything, I highly suggest trying to get a refund.”
You: “Wow, I didn’t know it was that bad.”
Realist: “Well, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are some people making money Blogging, but they are the ones who got in early, like way back like 5 years ago or something. Nobody who starts now can make any money. You’re just deluding yourself. Save your time and your money. Trust me, it’s a waste of time.”

(3) Attack of the Patronizer. A patronizer will make fun of you, belittle you and generally act in a condescending way towards your goals. They’ll generally make fun of you right off the bat immediately after learning about your goal, but unlike the Negatron and the Realist they typically don’t try to talk you out of it. They prefer instead to let you continue with the goal, so that they can continue to poke fun at you over a period of time.

At times they might even seem genuinely interested in your goal but really they’re just looking for fuel to make fun of you. They might say things like:

• “How’s that little Blog of yours coming along? Getting any traffic besides your Mom visiting? Hahahah!”
• “So what’s new with that Clog thingamajigger thing you were doing, what’s it called again? A Blob? Hahaha!”
• “Hey, you realize my daughter makes more money with her lemonade stand than you do with your Blob? Hahahah!”

(4) Sniper Attack of the Doubtifier. Doubtifiers are people who don’t negatively attack you straight on like the Negatrons or the Realists or even the Patronizers. Doubtifiers are much more clever then that. What they prefer to do is to pretend to support you in your goals and tell you what a great idea you have at first. However, at the exact right time they will interject a major DOUBT into the equation right at the exact moment you are weakest.

Their weapon of choice is questions. Some of them might sound like this:

• “How do you even know this will work?”
• “What if it’s time to quit?”
• “You gave it your best shot. Don’t you think it’s time you faced reality?”
• “How can you be absolutely certain this is the right thing to do at this point in time?”

(5) The Drain of the Energy Sponge. The Energy Sponge is a much more docile creature. The Energy Sponge isn’t particularly concerned about throwing your goals off track, but sharing your excitement and enthusiasm with them is like talking to a wall. You can tell them that you’re going to do something amazing, something extraordinary and it’s going to change your life forever, and they’ll typically just say “Cool… “ If you ask them what they think of your goals, they’ll just say “Sounds good…”

It’s their non-reaction in a positive way that drains the energy you had for the project. You can’t really blame them, they are just typically not interested in your specific goal at this specific time, however sharing your goals with them does have a slight draining effect on you.

(6) The Twist of the Should-er. Should-ers will tell you what you should do instead of your goals. For example if you told them about your idea to start a Blog, they’ll say “You should just get a job.” Their primary concern is safety. Not your safety, but their safety. You see, if YOU take a risk and succeed it will mean that they will feel like they might need to take a risk and risk failing. So, to prevent themselves from future possible failure they’ll tell you what you SHOULD be doing instead of following your goals.

If you tell them that you’re setting a goal to save up enough money to go on a month-long trip, they’ll tell you something like “You should just stay here.” or “You should put the money into your retirement fund instead.” They are primarily concerned with their safety.

(7) The Twist of the Selfish Should-er. Very similar to the regular Should-er, except this person has his own agenda. For example, lets say that they are thinking about starting a bakery and they would want you to work with them. They’ll typically try to talk you out of your goals stating that “That won’t work, you should come and work with me on the bakery instead!”

(8) Attack of the Counter Intention Producers. These suckers work in the background and constantly visualize and imagine you failing at your goal for whatever selfish reasons they may have. They won’t say anything to your face, they may even say that they support your goal but in reality they are consciously or subconsciously sending out very negative energy vibes to try to stop you from succeeding in your goal.

(9) Attack of the Backstabbers. Backstabbers are malicious in intent. They will often support your goal to your face, but behind your back they’ll talk trash about you and generally just pooh-pooh all over your goal. A lot of times you may not even know they’re doing this. Their toolbox of tricks is only limited by their imagination.

(10) The Deadliest of them All - The Well Intentioned Friend / Sibling / Parent / Spouse - Sometimes the deadliest goal killer of them all can be the people who are the absolute closest to you. They can exhibit behavior similar to the previous nine attackers at different times and in most cases they are genuinely thinking that they have your best intentions at heart. They’ll try to talk you out of any ambitious goals you want to set, because they don’t want to see you disappointed if things don’t work out.

Who Can I Trust?

So, who can you trust with your goals? Typically the less success you have experienced in life in a particular area, the more support you’ll try to get from those around you, and that is typically when they offer the least support. It is usually only once we begin to see success and we gain the self-confidence to reach our goals and to start to see positive results that others all of a sudden become positive about our goals. Of course, by then we don’t even need them anymore.

Ideally, what I have found to work best is to identify a few very close friends, family members, a spouse or better yet a coach or mentor you hire to share your goals ONLY with them. You’re going to have to go through your friends and family and really think about the 10 goal destroyer types above and see if they fit into those categories. If you have a good friend that is positive, supportive and genuinely wants to see and help you succeed then feel free to share your goals with them and make sure that you aren’t being one of the 10 goal destroyers yourself towards their goals!

One little tip you can also follow to test your friends is to set an ambitious goal and not tell anyone about it until you’ve actually hit it. Then, ask your friends what they think. For example, following along with the Blogging example above, lets say that you set a goal to start a Blog and make $100 with it. Set the goal, keep it to yourself and work on making $100 with your Blog. Once you achieve your goal, go to your friend and say “I’m thinking of starting a Blog. I want to start one and set a goal to make $100 with it in the first few months. What do you think?” and see what the friend tells you.

If he says “That’s awesome man! You can do it!” you know you’ve got a winner.

If he says “I don’t know man, you sure you want to waste your time with that? I don’t know if it’s even possible to make $100 Blogging. How do you know it will work?” you know that it might not be a good idea to share your future goals with them because they would have talked you out of this goal you already achieved!

One really great way to share your goals with someone who will support you and help you along the way is to hire a coach or mentor or to put together a mastermind group of like-minded, positive people to share your goals with.